It's been 9 months since my last post and for good reason. I've been busy!!! I waited quite a while to have the beautiful sound of babies in my home and the honorable task of motherhood at my fingertips. It has been everything I hoped for and more. I know that I am a very blessed woman and that God's tender mercies have fallen on me in droves. For that, I am forever thankful. I'd like to re-assert some of my efforts toward documenting our little life here and the wonderful changes that are happening for us. The tiny miracole (yes, when referencing Mira and Cole as miracles, I will purposefully mis-spell the word miracle) that I blogged about last is not so tiny anymore:
They Grew!
And Grew!
And Grew!
And Grew!
And Grew!
And Grew!
And Grew!
And Grew!
And Grew!
And Grew!
And Grew!
And Grew!
And Grew!
And Grew!
And Grew!
And Grew!
And Grew!
And Grew!
And Grew!
And Grew!
And Grew!
And Grew!
And Grew!
And Grew!
And Grew!
And Grew!
And Grew!
And Grew!
And today, Cole is 20 lbs, 29 inches and So. Stinkin. Cute! He loves to sit on your lap and read books, but he does not like to be rocked to sleep. Mira is 17.5 lbs and 27 inches. She has quite a sassy little personality. She is my snuggler. She wraps her legs around my waist and lays her head on my chest and I just melt. When I'm out, people ask me how far apart in age they are. If I'm feeling snarky I say, "4 minutes". If I'm feeling nice I say, "They're twins". They play so well together and aren't getting into too much trouble yet. They walk along furniture and try to let go, but end up on their bums. They both babble and tell each other stories and then laugh and laugh. They play peek-a-boo with each other when they're in the stroller and they always get a kick out of it. I haven't documented much because...I just really bad at it. Mostly I'm just taking it all in and enjoying every second. I'm so happy to be a mommy and to have these little blessing in my home. Everyday is an adventure and I'm so excited for many many years of more adventures! Much Love, Whit
We found out we were pregnant again on March 17th. Later that week, my 48hr bHCG (blood test for pregnancy hormone levels) QUADRUPLED (It's supposed to at least double)! We were absolutely thrilled and terrified at the same time. I worried every time I went to the bathroom that I would be bleeding and everything would end. So, I have a lot of people asking what we're doing differently this time to make sure these babies get here with a heartbeat (maybe not in those exact words, but it's implied...) The day I got a + pregnancy test, I started heparin injections. This was something that, after three losses, was one of those, "Well, it won't hurt you, it'll only help you" scenarios. Basically, if I was losing babies due to an undetectable clotting problem, the heparin would probably help.
That first week was hell. I mean really REALLY bad. It started with fevers. Then the body aches and chills. I missed a couple days of work because I couldn't get off the couch and my fevers were getting higher and higher. By the next Sunday, my fever was 103.5, so we went to the ER. My platelets had dropped 60,000, and my liver enzymes were up (probably because of the fever and tylenol use). It has a name: HIT- Heparin-induced thrombocytopenia. The heparin was making me sick!!! Talk about frustrating...the thing that had given me hope that I could have a normal pregnancy was out the window. It didn't take long for me to get better once I stopped taking it, and now I'm on a regiment of aspirin, a butt-load of folic acid, vitamin D, and fish oil. We have high hopes (and a lot of faith) that these babies are going to be just fine!
So the title of this post, "Can you Count?" those are the famous words spoken by Dr. Speak at my 6 week appointment. We saw on the screen the following picture:
Yes, I can count, and I knew it was twins. We had an unsettling next couple of weeks as we went between appointments with my OB here in K-ville and the perinatologist in Columbia; every time they put the probe on my belly, wondering if there was still going to be two babies.
This picture was labled wrong in CoMo, so I tried to label over it.
By 10 weeks they were starting to look like babies instead of blobs. Baby B usually gets the shaft because almost every time I went in before 10 weeks (s)he wasn't in a good position.
Having had just one and now two babies at a time, I can definitely say that twins is...much more difficult. Everything happens so much faster, and stretches more painfully. Somedays I just sit all day because my round ligaments hurt too bad to walk. Don't think I'm complaining, though- just comparing. And I'm THRILLED and SO HAPPY to be stretching and hurting because it means these kiddos are growing!
12 weeks 6days.
This is the perfect example of how baby B is in a bad position for a photo-op.
14W 5D
These babies are fraternal twins which is a lot less risk. (I don't think I could handle any more risk) At 15 weeks, we're feeling grateful for all the pictures we have of our sweet little ones and that we've had so many opportunities to watch them move and kick each other inhead. We're in love with our little #3 and #4 children and hope to have an idea of what their genders are next week. I have 3 more scans before I leave Kville, so hopefully we'll know for sure before we leave.
I really need to say thank you for all the support and love we've felt from friends and family; for your prayers, fasts, and words or comfort and love. Random strangers tell us that they'll pray for us, which absolutely fills my heart with love for them.
Sometimes when I pray I tell Heavenly Fatherthat we've already buried 2 babies and we can't do a 3rd or a 4th. These babies are perfect and we haven't had any complications and hope that it stays that way. In the next few weeks, Evan will be taking his boards and we'll be packing up and moving to Chandler, AZ for 2 years so Ev can complete years 3 and 4 of med school. We're excited and I promise I'll be better at keeping up the blog with updates for the friends far away and the friends we're leaving in Kirksville (*tear). Much Love!
I see people around me who are genuinely cheerful. They don't say it with their mouths, their eyes tell that story. Cheerful people have a bright countenance. They hold themselves a little higher, they breathe sweeter air, and they lift up the people around them. I feel as if there's a definite line between me and cheerful...or maybe it's a wall.
The cheerful side is where I want to be.I feel a draw toward it's inviting embrace, but...I have a weight that's too heavy. My heart feels too full of anger and frustration. Some days I feel downright bitter for the losses I've endured. I feel jealous of the people that aren't grateful for their blessings that I would gladly take off their hands.
Then I hear a song that turns my world upside down and it comes in a moment of greatest need. My heart responds to music. I feel the Spirit of the God most powerfully when it speaks to me through melody. This particular song is the one God intended for me this week:
-Laura Story, "Blessings"
And, of course, there's my favorite hymn:
Father, cheer our souls tonight
Lift our burdens, make them light.
Let thine all-pervading love
Shine upon us from above.
Calm the surges of the soul;
Bid the dark waves backward roll.
Let us all thy mercies feel
Thru the power thou dost reveal.
Bless our loved ones far away;
Grant them health and peace, we pray.
In their hearts let holy light
Beam to guide their steps aright.
Let implicit faith and trust
Help us know thy ways are just.
May thine ever-tender love
Lead our hearts to thee above.
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I know the cheerful side is not an easy place to get to. I know it takes faith and trust in the Savior, and a lot of patience and prayer. It takes looking on the brighter side of things. For instance: "Yeah, my position at work is being downsized so I'll soon be unemployed, but now I get to spend an unexpected 3 weeks with my family in Utah!" or, "This month of trying failed, but now we get to try to make a baby for a whole 'nother month!" (No sarcasm here, I'm genuinely okay, even happy, about these 'setbacks'). And I get to constantly remind myself that a cheerful countenance doesn't happen overnight. I'm still greiving and am still allowed to have bad days. I just wake up the next morning with a prayer in my heart that today is not one of them and I can keep my chin up and practice getting to the cheerful side!
My baby is THREE today!! It's been such a fast, eventful 3 years
The past month has been an emotional one. I'm grateful that I can feel a range of emotions because it has been healthy for me. Grief is unpredictable and annoying, but the process is healing. I've been working hard to accept that and to understand it. Some days have been harder than others; some months have been lower than others. But I'm a stronger, braver person than I was 3 years ago.
We got to visit the boys today! Something about being in Logan to visit on his birthday makes me feel like a good mom. Otherwise, I'd feel like I'm neglecting him. I know that in the coming years, we won't be able to make it and I'll have to come to grips with that when the time comes. (Probably next June)
We love writing messages to our sweet boys on balloons...
Daddy and his boys.
We're so grateful to Grandma Roma for keeping their grave looking happy with flowers and decorations each season.
3 balloons for 3 years!
To my sweet Scotlin,
I had so many dreams for you. I longed to hold you and rock you to sleep; to watch you grow and learn and love. In one moment, those dreams were changed. Your heart stopped beating and our world stopped turning. The most heart-wrenching time of our lives followed as we mourned the loss of life and the experiences on Earth we would not get to have with you.
As time has passed, we've learned about the Plan of Salvation in detail that wouldn't have been a priority without this loss. We've grown to love each other and appreciate the lessons and experiences God has given us to help us learn and grow. We've learned about the importance of the Atonement of Jesus Christ to heal our hearts and to make our pain bearable. Please know that we are closer to our Savior because of you. Your life is so important to us and the rest of your family and we will love you Forever and Ever!
Until we meet again,
Mommy and Daddy
This balloon has all the names of grandmas, grandpas, aunts, uncles and cousins. All the people who love him most!
We're fortunate to be surrounded by family and friends during this holiday of love, happiness, and gratitude. We made the trek from Missouri to Utah and have gotten to see all my side of the family and some very dear friends:
At Mom and Dad Epperson's house
My oldest sister, Crystal, and her sweet baby Esther
Evan and Bobby
We were so happy to see Bobby, Morgan and the munchkins. We're so happy to know them and to have gotten the chance to meet up.
My darling nieces, Alana and Charlotte.
All my sweet nieces (except the one that's in Wally's belly and won't be here til next year.)
Like I said, so much fun and laughing. Colin and Melissa Jackson came to visit too. It was awesome to see them and hold their 6 week old baby boy, Isaac. Sorry we didn't get a picture!
I'm a lucky girl to have such loving family that takes good care of me when I'm missing my sweet Scotlin and getting ready to celebrate his THIRD BIRTHDAY on Saturday! We're heading to Logan tomorrow and will be visiting more friends and family including our babies!
This year (more than ever) I'm grateful for my Savior, Jesus Christ, and the love he has for me. I'm grateful for my forever family and the knowledge I have that my sweet boys are waiting for me and I get to see them again and raise them in the eternities. Hope you all had a wonderful day too! Much love!
