I can't believe how much He loves me

In honor on my 20,000th pageview, I thought I'd celebrate something I've learned the hard way over the past few years. However, I'm not as eloquent as THIS guy, so I'm just going to use his words. 

“Think of the purest, most all-consuming love you can
imagine. Now multiply that love by an infinite 

amount—that is the measure of God’s love for you. 

God does not look on the outward appearance. 

 I believe that He doesn’t care one bit if we live in

a castle or a cottage,

if we are handsome or homely,

if we are famous or forgotten.

Though we are incomplete, God loves us completely.

Though we are imperfect, He loves us perfectly.

Though we may feel lost and

without a compass, God’s love encompasses us 

completely.

He loves us because He is filled with an infinite

measure of holy, pure, and indescribable love.

We are important to God 

not because of our resumé but because

we are His children. 

He loves every one of us, even those who are flawed, rejected, awkward, sorrowful, or broken.God’s love is so great that He loves

even the proud, the selfish, the arrogant, and the wicked"

It's good to know I've got someone in my corner through

this life. The kind of someone who is always there, always

listening, always watching, and waiting for me to call on

him. And I know He'll answer me when I do. 

Much Love,

Whit

September 14th

Given my history with pregnancy loss, when I found out I was pregnant with Kayden, I knew I wouldn't make it to my due date. The plan was to induce at 37 weeks just to make sure he got here safely. (I knew I would NOT have the emotional or mental capacity to get to 38 weeks again...I would have been a total wreck). 

In May, at 23 weeks, I started having contractions and bleeding. I was sufficiently freaked out. I didn't know what to do. I would have been happy going on bedrest, but I would have had to drop out of school. I wasn't dilating, but my doc put me on -nifedipine- to help stop the contractions and it worked, so I resumed my daily activities. The one time I missed a dose, I had major cramping, so I had to be careful to take my pills on time every day. Needless to say, thanks to this fun experience with preterm labor, it further solidified my idea that this baby would not make it to his due date. For some reason (probably for simplicity's sake) when people asked when I was due, I still said, "September 14th". So, for 6 months, 9/14 was on my mind, coming out of my mouth, and I associated this date with my little Kayden. 

Of course, we all know the story from there; Kayden would live inside me until June 14th and no further. He was born sleeping on the 16th, and was laid to rest in the ground on the 23rd. 

So why does today suck so bad? It's just a day on the calendar. It's on all my paperwork from my pregnancy: "EDD (Estimated Due Date) or EDC (Estimated Date of Confinement) : 9/14/12. Maybe it's the idea that this date should have been a happy one and it's not; that I should be a mother and I'm not; that I should have finally gotten to hear my baby cry after years of yearning for and wishing for that sound. 

I have the right to be sad today, I know that. I didn't think I would need to-even yesterday when I casually mentioned to some ladies that I was supposed to be due today, I didn't feel anything. But I woke up with a heavy heart this morning and it was unexpected and frustrating. So for today I will allow myself to feel sad and think of my sweet Kayden. 

And the results are in...MTHFR!!!

We've been hoping that something would come up that would shout at us "I'M THE PROBLEM!! FIX ME AND YOU'LL BE FINE!". Too bad that's not the case. 

If you've ever been pregnant (and even if you haven't) you probably know that folic acid (or folate) is important to the development of a healthy baby in utero. Among other things, a deficiency of this important vitamin can cause neural tube defects such as spina bifida. Luckily, my babies did not have this problem. They were both perfectly formed without any physical or chemical indication of neural tube defects. :)

However. My most recent blood studies showed a mutation having to do with the MTHFR gene, which stands for methylenetetrahydrofolate reductase (say that 5 times fast).  In words that are easy for me to understand, my body has a hard time processing folic acid. Doctors aren't entirely sure of the effects this can have during pregnancy. Some research has showed correlations between MTHFR and thrombolytic (clotting) events during pregnancy, but that wasn't very conclusive, and  it's not been studied enough to receive a consensual approval by the medical society. 

Bottom line: a normal multivitamin contains 400 micrograms of folic acid to receive 100% of the recommended dose. During pregnancy, doctors recommend their patients take 800 micrograms. With MTHFR, my doctor is recommending that I take 5000 mcg every day. Basically, they assume that any enzymes that are actually working to break down folic acid should be bombarded so that I have a higher chance of getting the folic acid that I need. Sounds a little sketchy, especially when one doctor says to take extra folic acid and another doctor says there's no point. I feel like I can't be a smart consumer and research what to do about it, because it's not out there, and what IS available, isn't reliable. Hopefully, if I keep searching, I'll eventually find some more answers. For now, I will do as I'm told and hope it's enough that we don't lose any more babies.

P.S. If you're related to me by blood, I'm supposed to tell you to get tested. It's also said to be linked to cancer, and cardiovascular disease. Take it or leave it. But hey, if you have it, we could be MTHFR-ing buddies!

Whit