How Many Pregnancy Tests Does it Take?

...before you find out you are absolutely, positively, FOR SURE not pregnant? I'd say about 23. At least that's how many I'VE taken in the last 3 months. Some would say that's pathetic (I actually kind of think it is myself), but it was a little bit warranted. Next time I'm pregnant I'll have to give myself heparin injections (which I have sitting on a shelf waiting for that day.) So...when my monthly didn't come, I just HAD TO KNOW if I was pregnant so I could start my shots. Of course that little voice inside of me kept saying, 

*{{{God will bless you with a baby. He won't make you wait two years like He did last time"}}}*

Each week that I was still without my hormonally-charged, piece of crap, monthly companion I would take another test...or two. Evan patiently indulged my $5 splurge every time we went to the store. (It's interesting to point out that Wal-mart here in K-town is ALWAYS out of $0.88 pregnancy tests.)

So, I was 2 months and 3 weeks without my friend, spent a buttload of money on pregnancy tests (all were negative), and now here I sit, blogging about being on my period. You're probably thinking I'd be pissed, right? Well, surprisingly I'm not. I'm ThRiLLeD!! Like, really REALLY happy! Why, you might ask? 

Because this week has sucked. Mighty, mighty suckage with a big ol' sucky cherry on top. And a sucky bow. 
                                         

Lately I'm usually about here:

But this week I've felt about here:

It has made me think I was going crazy. 

I'd cry and cry (to the point where I have to shut my office door and just let it all out):

  Then 4 minutes later I'd be so AngRy!!

 I told Evan that I am done. I don't want to be around people, I don't want to go to church, I don't want to believe in a God that lets me hurt this bad and feel so icky. Evan just took it all in stride. He let me cry, then let me yell, and he got mad right alongside me and then he would hold me. (I'm really lucky to have him). Suddenly I'd freak out that I was having crazy mood swings and thought that I must be totally imbalanced.

Until today. All is right with the world today because even though I'm not pregnant, I also am not wondering if I'm pregnant. Even though I'm bleeding, I'm grateful that my body does what it's supposed to. And now I know I'm not a fruitcake. At least not all the time.