2 Years of Being an Angel Mommy...

...and it still hurts. Do I still wish I'd wake up and it'll all have been an awful dream? yes. Although, I can say that I've learned a lot about myself and my Savior since that awful day. 

        It's all very hard to describe. I think Evan can see the different person I've become. Maybe my family can too. But from any other viewpoint, you'd have a hard time knowing that I've grown and changed so much. My heart has changed. I can consider myself lucky, I guess, because many people who lose a child find that their heart becomes cold and hard. Their view of the world becomes bleak and empty. That happened to me for a while. But, thanks to my knowledge of the Gospel of Jesus Christ, and also to the numerous prayers that were offered up on behalf of my family, my heart has been able to heal.

        I can think about November 24th, 2009 and be grateful for the events of that day. I can remember the week that followed and see the myriad of blessings that Heavenly Father poured down on my family and me. I can thank the people that took care of me and carried me for so long until I could take care of myself again (which was a long time). And, especially, I can think about my Scotlin, that beautiful, sweet angel that I held in my arms, and even though I cry, I can be grateful that I have a son that is PERFECT! 

       I know where Scotlin is. I know he's busy in heaven doing work for Heavenly Father that he couldn't have done if he was on earth as a bubbly little 2 year-old. I grieve his absence. But I'm so blessed to have a permanent angel watching over my family. I know that he'll be the last one our future children see before they come to Earth. I hope he tells them that we're the best parents ever and that we'll love them just as much as we love him!

       I'm doing well and I'm happy! But sometimes, in quiet moments, I'd love to catch a glimpse of Scotlin. I cry to think that he's in heaven while I'm here missing him. But I'm glad heaven has such a good angel. I think I'm the luckiest momma in the world

Feelin Warm and Fuzzy

The countdown has been running, and It's down to the last TWO WEEKS before we get to go home to Utah! Luckily, Evan's brother Stephen is getting married in Logan, so we'll get to see BOTH SIDES of the family! Meanwhile, our school schedules are absolutely PACKED with tests and practicals. It's a bit stressful, but at least we get an awesome prize at the end of the two weeks, wouldn't ya say? 

Besides getting to see our family, and see Stephen and Bryndel be sealed forever {which is awesome, because we love Bryndel and are so excited she's going to be part of our family}, we get to be in Logan for Scotlin's birthday! Last year, I was sure that it would be years before we'd get to visit him on his birthday, but I was wrong! And very fittingly, his birthday is ON THANKSGIVING! We have so many reasons to be thankful for Scotlin and our FOREVER FAMILY!!!

Also during our trip, we get to spend time with the two oldest of my four younger brothers that are leaving on their MISSIONS on November 30th! Evan is going to Alabama and Ben is going to Washington, DC. I'm so proud of them, and they're both going to be excellent in their search for people to share the gospel of Jesus Christ with! 

 I've been laughing this week while all my friends and family back home are posting pictures of the SNOW in Utah!! I shouldn't though, because the Midwest is supposed to get slammed this winter and they'll all be laughing at me. But for now, I'm enjoying the jacket-weather and taking long walks while taking pictures of the beautiful fall colors!

The sky turned out really pretty in this one...I especially love how the flash illuminated the road sign behind us.

This is right next to our house which is --> direction.

And later that night, like the good students we are, we went to school and studied. Look at how enthusiastic Evan is...he really loves school!

And last-but-should-be-first are our amazing friends Devin and Shanna! We cuddled up and watched Hocus Pocus for Halloween! It was terrific, but I hope they don't care I posted this picture...they didn't even know I was gonna take it.

I know a lot of people feel a change as the end of the year draws nearer. I know that for me I remember, more frequently, to be grateful and to look for joy in my life. I know Evan and I are where Heavenly Father needs us to be, and I'm grateful to serve Him and allow His spirit to be with me. Happy November everyone!

Workin' Our Hiney's Off

Our schedule, you ask? C-R-A-Z-Y. No room to breathe, no vacations, no fresh air, no room for failure, no money-even if we did want to get away, and no real time together. We are loving it!

A couple weeks in when there was no end in sight (c'mon, Ev's looking at at least 4 years of residency, so I've got 8 more years of this) I called home-California home- and Dad Lytle answered the phone. I casually mentioned our lovely schedule and how "I knew it would be hard...I just didn't know it would be this hard". Then came his perfect advice: "Whit, you've got your eyes at the bottom of the boat. You need to look up and fix your eyes on the horizon or you're gonna make your self sick". Ever the fisherman, Dad taught me such an important lesson in a few words. They keep coming back to me, too, as I complain that I never see my husband and that we're never gonna be done with med school. I need to keep a larger perspective that will allow me to see this little moment in the real picture. And I think as Ev and I learn to do this together, we'll grow together.

Now, sadly, I've misplaced my camara, but my next post (hopefully in a couple days) will have pictures of my cute house and of the Halloween blocks I made for the upcoming holiday! Yay!!

aNNivERsAry!

Yesterday was our THIRD wedding anniversary! I'm such a lucky gal. To celebrate, we went to the library {found out it was closed} and headed to walmart. We got all the fixins for a really great salad and went home and played cards. We played a lot of cards. We mostly play gin rummy. We keep a running total of our points. Our goal: pay ourselves a penny-a-point and use the money for next summers vacation. Good idea, right? I thought so too. Anyway, today we worked in the yard and got the house ready for Stephen [Evan's brother], Bryndel [Stephen's fiance] and their friend to come stay with us on their way to Southern Virginia for school tonight. Other than that, we're just getting ready for school and chillin' out. I think the next post will be pictures. Be excited.

Making New Friends, Finally

So, here in Kirksville (as mentioned in my previous post) the "townies" are those who have lived in KV for a long time. Most of them were raised here and never left, but many came for school and never left. Our ward thus-far has been made up of townies. Great people, don't get me wrong, but they're not in the same demographic as Evan and I. It's been long-awaited, but students and their young families are slowly starting to trickle into town. We've had the pleasure of meeting Dan and Kassidy from Salt Lake City, Ut. They both attended the U. They just got married last month.  We've been able to spend time with them on multiple occasions and I just found out that Kassidy was in Granite Senior Youth (symphony orchestra for our school district back home) when she was in high school. She's the same age as my sister, Julie, and Kassidy and I have many mutual friends thanks to our music endeavors in high school. It's been good getting to know new people and to have new ways to pass the time.


Ev and I toured the ATSU library yesterday. It's nice and quiet.We also saw the OMM (Osteopathic Muscle Manipulation) lab. It's HUGE. I'm most excited for Ev to start learning OMM so he can align my back and make me feel better. I'm really thrilled that he's going to be a DO. Just a few more weeks and school starts! I can't wait.


Our third anniversary is coming up. Ev has to plan it this year and I don't think he's started yet. Maybe this post will give him a little bit of motivation. I can't believe it's been 3 years. It's gone so fast and so much has happened. I feel really blessed to have such a great husband! Love you Ev

Thinkin' About My Baby

No, this won't be a pity-me post, I promise. 


Here in K-ville, Evan and I have had the opportunity to meet a guy who's going to be in Evan's class. His name is Clarke. He's investigating the church and asking a lot of questions. On Saturday, Evan had the opportunity to go with the missionaries to teach Clarke about the Plan of Salvation. 

As usual, this has me thinking about Scotlin a lot.


As Scotlin's first birthday came closer and closer last year, I was starting to slip into a pretty severe depression. It wasn't until February 2011 that Ev and I decided we both needed professional help. (I'm not embarrassed to admit this. Trauma --> grief--> getting stuck--> depression--> worse depression--> get help). We started meeting with Tasha. Tasha is a LCSW, and became a great asset to Evan and I and she also became a great friend. After talking through A LOT of our feelings/coping styles and talking about how we were planning on handling the move, we decided, with Tasha's help, that we wanted to keep Scotlin's story to ourselves as we were meeting people/making new friends. This is very reasonable. It makes sense that we don't want our identifier to be "they're the couple whose son died" for the rest of our lives. It's been three weeks, and it's working out okay. But, even 20 months after the fact, it's hard when people ask if I have kids for me to answer, "no" and leave it at that.  Usually, other people's response has been somewhere along the lines of, "yeah, we're not ready for kids either". 


Long (IRRELEVANT) story short: all this has just got me thinking about my beliefs, and I wanted to share them here.


 As children of our Heavenly Father, we have a plan specific to us. Because we can't remember our life before we came to Earth, we don't remember what all our life entails; what joys we'll have/ what trials we'll endure. But this is what I do know: We're here to get a body and then spend our lives proving to Heavenly Father that we can live righteously and return to Him. Some of God's children, like Scotlin, and his friends Benton, Jake and so many others only needed a body to pass their test here on Earth and were required to return home quickly to help out on the other end. But for us left behind, it hurts. It devastating, and heart-wrenching and sometimes it's infuriating. My human brain has a hard time comprehending a plan that requires parents to bury their children. But my heart understands a little better. Somehow, every time I think of Scotlin and his friends, my heart hurts, but is quickly reassured that I agreed to this plan and that I will get to be with Scotlin again someday. And even though I feel alone, missing my sweet little boy, I'm not. My Heavenly Father loves me. He's watching out for me and He's hurting with me. And since He can't be here to put his arms around me and hug me better, He's sent my family and friends to do it for Him. So here's a big shout-out to all of you who have supported me and carried me though this. Even though I whine and complain, I do know that it's going to be okay. Much Love,
Whit

Havin' Fun In K-Town!

Yeah, maybe that's an overstatement. Fun? Maybe not. I mean, it's not missouri-bl (that was lame, but I had to use it just once) but we are struggling to keep ourselves occupied. Here are some things I have learned about my new place of residence:


I got a new driver's license and it made me sad to give up my UT one. (I naively thought they'd let me keep both)


There are A LOT of bugs here. I don't think anyone could have prepared me for this one. My mind was not capable of imagining the vast variety and quantity of creepy crawlies here in the midwest.


In just under 2 hours I can pass through 3 different states.


People that have lived here for a long time indeed do NOT like to be referred to as "townies"


Wal-mart is a staple. Not for nourishment or supplies. For SANITY. It's one of the few places in town where we can go and be around people. Hopefully that will change once school starts.


"Share the road' signs are no longer limited to bicycles. Here in K-Town, the sign has a horse and buggy on it.


Don't stare at the Amish. Apparently they're used to it, but they still don't like it.


Anyway, Kirksville isn't ALL bad. In fact there's one really cool program that, although I haven't officially seen it advertised, is in full swing. Wal-mart must host it because it's the only place I've seen it take place. It's called the "Adopt a Grandparent" program. Oh, you've heard of it? Well, here's the KV version:
    Every time, and I do mean EVERY time, we go to Wally World (2-3 times a day usually) There are elderly gentlemen and ladies sitting on benches at the entrance to the store (right next to the greeter). Evan and I have devised a theory that a person can sign up to adopt one such elderly person for the day, which entails taking them to do their shopping for the week. They get their few items and while you're doing YOUR shopping for the week, they sit on the bench and gossip about the town. (We're in the process of documenting this...pictures to come soon)


But, all joking aside, I'd like to give a shout-out to the WalMart greeters here in KV. Not only are they super nice, but they pull a line of carts out and sanitize the handles for you. If all WalMarts were like the one here, WalMart would have a better name.


We did go to Columbia for the day yesterday and I was able to go to Hobby Lobby, which helped me mellow out a little. I finally have my JEWELRY WEBSITE up and running, though. It will help occupy my time, and *hopefully* be a little source of income. Pictures of our cute house will be coming in the next couple of days. Love you all!