Lately

I've kind of been stuck in a rut. I guess that happens to the best of us at one point or another, but this one's getting harder and harder to get out of. Here's an example of my typical day:

Stay in bed til 11:30 or noon; usually the only reason I even get up is because I'm bored of lying there. Evan has usually been up since 6:30 or 7 and he's gone to class and come home already.

Sometimes I shower after getting up but usually I just lounge around the house in my PJ's until something comes up that causes me to get ready for the day like work.

If it's a Monday or a Friday I go to work at 2:30 and am there til 10:30 so that pretty much shoots the rest of my day to heck. When I come home Evan and I might chill, or watch the Discovery channel until we feel tired and eventually go to bed around midnight or 1 am.

2-3 hours after that, I'm lucky if I'm asleep. Usually I lie awake for hours on end feeling sorry for myself that Scotlin's not here and for the fact that I can never get to sleep once I'm in bed. This is bad, you see, because being up til 4 or 5 in the morning just feeds the cycle of sleeping til noon and wasting my day away.

Tuesdays and Thursdays are the worst because I'm lucky if I even shower or eat let alone make it out of the house.

I remember in primary singing "Early to bed and early to rise will make a man healthy and wealthy and wise". I believe it, I really do, but somehow my broken heart, my melted brain and my washed-up body can't sync up well enough for me to find the motivation to do the things that will jump start me back onto that healing path; that path where I can find beauty in things again, see a baby without crying, go outside and feel happy that the sun is shining, and get out of bed without feeling that the weight of the world is resting on my shoulders.

And then Heavenly Father sent me a message:

On Saturday, Evan and I were asked to meet with the Stake President and the Area Authority Seventy. We couldn't figure why they wanted to see us, but it turned out that they just wanted to talk about Scotlin and to see how we were doing. During our 30 minute "talk" they both bore their testimonies that we would be with Scotlin again, and they assured us that they, as well as Heavenly Father, are still aware of us and of our pain and our heartache. They told us that we had a special kind of faith that is going to help us through this trial. Then our Stake President prayed for us--and I cried.

I guess the moral of the story is that no matter how low you sink, Our Savior will always be willing to stoop to our level to bring us back up again. I know He's still with us, just the same as Scotlin is still with us. I know He catches my tears and He cries with me. I know He isn't trying to punish us. And most importantly, I know we will be with Scotlin again. For now I'll just consider him lucky that he has the easiest babysitting job any of our kids will ever have...cause right now all his siblings are angels :) 

Lifetime Products Spring Craft Contest!!

Hey everyone!! I'm entering a contest. I posted earlier in the month about my Poopy Ducks; now I'm going to post the instructions so everyone can make them! The only way this contest will work is if you go to the website and VOTE FOR ME! I'll put the link at the end of this post!



Poopy Duck Instructions

Body
Ch 5 and join with a slip stich

Row 1- Ch 1 make 4 puff stiches in middle of chain ring

Row 2- Ch 1 make a puff stitch in next space between puff stitches. *make 2 puff stitches in same space. Repeat from * around. Slip stitch into first puff stitch (8 puff stitches total)

Row 3- Ch 1 make a puff stitch. In next space between puff stitches make *1 puff st, next space make 2 puff stitches in same space. Repeat from * around and slip stitch into first puff stitch. (12 puff stitches total)

Row 4- Ch 1 make a puff stitch. In next space between puff stitches make * 1 puff stitch. Next space make 1 puff stitch. Next space make 2 puff stitches in same space. Repeat from * around and slip stitch to first puff stitch. (16 puff stitches total)

Row 5- Chain 1 make a puff stitch. In next space make * 1 puff stitch. Repeat from * around and slip stitch to first puff stitch.

Rows 6-10 - repeat row 5

Row 11- Chain 3 *dc on top of puff stitch and in between puff stitches. Repeat from * around and slip stitch on top of first dc.

Row 12- Chain 3 and dc in each dc around. Slip stitch into first dc and fasten off.

Head

Chain 5 and join with slip stitch

Row 1- Chain 1 make 4 puff stitches in chain ring. join to top of first puff stitch with a slip stitch

Row 2- Chain 1 make a puff stitch in next space between puff stitches. * make 2 puff stitches in same space. Repeat from * around and slip stitch to first puff stitch (8 puff stitches total)

Row 3- Chain 1 make a puff stitch in next space between puff stitches. * make 1 puff stitch in next space, make 2 puff stitches in next space. Repeat from * around and slip stitch to first puff stitch. (12 puff stitches total)

Row 4- Chain 1 make a puff stitch. In next space between puff stitches, * make 1 puff stitch. Repeat from * around and slip stitch to first puff stitch.

Beak

chain 8 - sc- 2 dc - 3 tc - 2 dc - sc, fasten off

- - - -
Once all components are made, sew beak to head and head to body. For the tail, I crochet a chain of 50-60 and thread it through the body between rows 10 and 11 (right between the puff stitches and the double crochet stitches. Fill with your favorite candy and pull drawstring shut! These make GREAT Easter basket gifts as well as decorations for spring. You can also attach this poem:

I am your little poopy duck
And this is what I'll do:
Just squeeze my sides together
And I'll drop a treat for you

NOW! The really important part:
If it is between April 16th and April 22nd, click the link below and vote for ME!

http://blog.lifetime.com/lifetime365/

Thanks everyone!

Fun Flowers

I've been learning to enjoy rather than despise crocheting. It's come over time and after a lot of practice, but it's by far one of my more favorite ways to spend my free time. My sister, Crystal, sent me this link and I just had to try it. Here are some pictures how mine turned out. I just connected them to alligator clips and you can stick 'em in your hair. If you want to buy one, I can make one for you for a few dollars, just contact me.

5 times...FIVE

Some of you out there, including the nurses I work with, may think I'm a little too worried about this. But I'm getting really freaked out about this whole phlebotomy thing. My class starts this Wednesday and I'm trying to prepare for it...I even started Yoga so I can maybe start to manage my breathing thinking that might help me not pass out so much. Anyway, tonight just before I left work, one of my residents required a few viles of blood to be drawn for routine testing for medication she's on. Third times a charm? I think not. It took FIVE needle sticks to get 3 viles of blood. Not only that, but 3 nurses. I tried to watch, really I did, but I got too queasy and had to leave. One of the nurses was digging around in her arm with the needle to try and find a vein. Needless to say, I'm just that much more nervous about Wednesday. Oh man...

The 24th always sucks!

Here we go again: the 24th of the month is upon us for the fourth time. It's funny that a mere number can hold such an important place in our hearts. The 23rd doesn't phase me and usually the 25th doesn't either. But that one day smack dab in between them carries such a daunting significance. I've been unlucky enough to have to work on the 24th in January, February and now I'm scheduled in March. I think I'll start taking it off. I usually don't get out of bed til really late, hardly eat anything all day because I have this crazy sickness in the pit of my stomach, cry so much that I end up with an insane headache, and become unnaturally introverted and quiet. All because 4 months ago today my little boy died. I don't mean to lay my crazy emotions out there for everybody to read about, but on this particular 24th, I'm really mad! I'm mad that my little boy never got to take a breath. I'm mad that he's not counted as a "real person". I'm mad that people around me say I'm strong (because I'm not). I'm mad that I have to wait until I die to hold him, and I'm mad that I'm mad. I do have a testimony, and I'm grateful for the reassuring truths of the gospel. But for now I just need to get through the day until the 25th comes and clears the clouds away and brings the sunshine back into my life. Mommy loves you Scotty!

POOPY DUCKS!!!

So, one of my nurses at work saw a blanket that I was in the middle of crocheting and mentioned that she just learned to crochet and was working on making -poopy ducks- for her grandkids. I thought, "This is the perfect project for me!" (Partly because it's a beginner project and partly because my profession seems to revolve around poo).

I asked her for the pattern which she obliged me with and now I have my very own poopy duck! The rear end is tied with a drawstring and the whole duck is filled with jelly beans. Attached is a poem that reads,

I am your little poopy duck
And this is what I do:
Just squeeze my sides together
And I'll drop a treat for you"

It's super easy to make and so adorable you could eat it...well, eat what comes out of it! If you are inclined to crochet and would like the pattern, I'd gladly email it to you. Just comment with your email address!

Phlebotomy = Blood= Whitney passing out

I am soon-to-be enrolled in a phlebotomy class here in Logan so that I can increase my chances of finding a better job. While the prospect of a new job is extremely appealing to me, taking people's blood is not. BUT...it is a skill that it necessary for my advancement in my chosen field so I have to grin and bear it. The course is offered at Bridgerland Applied Technology College and is supposedly their most popular course. The doors open at 5:00am and I will have to be there by 4:00 in order to be in the running to register. It's gonna cost about $500 to enroll, but we're hoping it will be worth it in the end by my getting a new job. I'm especially not excited about the part where students practice on each other. Please pray for me!